Real things.

I have never been one to be reliant. I consider myself pretty independent, I don't like people worrying about me. I'm always the strong one, the nurturing one, the one who wants to know about your problems, the one who wants to help, regardless of how I feel. But lately, I've realised that's not entirely true. There is someone I confide in more than anyone else, and I rely on her to be there when I need her, and she has never once complained about me. That I know of at least. To say the least, she's always been a bit of an angel to me, and I love her for it.

Yesterday, my father turned to me and said 'money is easily made, but a friend is for life' and while that may not be the case for some people, you have to ask yourself, is that friend a real friend? Because in my experience, a real friend is for life. You might have silent periods, maybe they'll disappear, but real friends always come back. And we don't have a hidden agenda. So, to Amber, I love you for all the times you've let me cry on your shoulder, seen me puke, looked after me when I'm down or ill, just thank you. You're amazing.

As I began writing this, I set my IM status to 'blogging, interrupt if you want a mention' and so far, I want to mention Meghan Jenkinson, small and awesome. Also, Becky Simpson, another person who popped up in my chat window. These two have also been a huge support for me.

I actually want to tell you guys about another person. Her name's Poppy, but she hates that, call her Nudge if ever you should meet her. I love Nudgie. Even through looong periods of silence, I've managed to find her again. We've spent long times chatting, and I want her to know I do care about her (despite some little periods of doubt, what? At least I'm honest!), more than those assholes who've left her. Hear that Nudgie? Forget 'bout them. They're not real friends. Not unless they grovel. I love you kiddo, and I hope you have an amazing time in oxford! I'd stow away, but I have college and crap.

I like to hope that I make a difference to people, that I'm not just a bit on the side that they'll clean up later, and I hope that's true. I have a really bad complex, a really bad notion that if I can't help myself, nobody else can, but I know it's not true. People have made a huge difference to me. I'm young, but I really don't feel it. But I've got a lot left to learn, I've got so many people to meet, so many to find again, I want to live, and I'm damn sure gonna do it. Join me on my ride if you want.

AJ