Okay, so I've let the news sink in a little bit now. I've had PCOS all my life, but I was diagnosed four days ago. Isn't it interesting that when you don't know about something, you tend not to care so much? Interestingly with PCOS, it's not curable, but there are solutions. Diet, excercise, oral contraceptives, IVF and all of that stuff, I'll always have polycystic ovaries, and I'll always suffer from polycystic ovary syndrome...although, I don't really think suffer is the right word. Suffer implies something horrendous, often something painful, but I'm feeling strangely calm about having this condition.
It's been three years that I've been trying to find out if I have PCOS and those three years have been pretty difficult; so now that I know, I feel strangely at peace with it. The last few years have been filled with tears, laughter, numbness, friendship and utter, complete madness. It's been filled with breakdown after breakdown, but people are always there to pick up my pieces. So thanks for that guys, if I ever have to, I'll do the same for you.
The hardest thing I had to deal with was wondering if I had hyped the whole thing up. What if it got to the results and it turned out I was being a hypochondriac? There was one person who - unknowingly - made me feel like that. It did make me think, well I'm obviously not worth the bother, maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead. But I didn't. And I do have PCOS. I wasn't hyping it up.
Okay so now I know exactly what my problem is, and I know how to deal with it. The new doctor's surgery I've been visiting has really helped me on my way to finding out. They've done everything they can to support me, and that's helped so much, it's unbelievable. I'm glad that I found out sooner rather than later, and that everything is going to be okay; I'll make everything okay. I feel a lot more of a person, if that makes sense, a lot more substantial than I used to feel. I've begun to find it easier to talk to people about my situation, to tell people what's going on and in turn help them.
Having PCOS can make you feel really inadequate, like 'nobody's going to want me' and 'I am not worth the hassle' but that's not true at all. It's normal to feel like this, normal to have a massive blow to your self esteem after diagnosis, but it will get better. It can always get better.
I'd like to hear from anyone who has PCOS if any of you read my blog. We can all deal with it together!
AJ
