Confidence is an issue that I've struggled through for a very long time. Throughout the years my lack of self confidence has varied and moved around into several different areas. My self esteem has plummeted pretty low at points, but once you get past that, everything's a little better.
I think confidence is something that a lot of people struggle with, which is a bit of a shame really. It's one of those things that can really affect people; really hold them back. I had a close friend that used to hurt themselves quite regularly because they...well they thought they were worthless I suppose. I have never felt completely worthless, and I hope I never do, but sometimes those dark thoughts do cross my mind.
Confidence is a strange thing. I feel more confident blogging to a group of strangers about my life than I do telling my friends to their faces. That's weird, isn't it? I'd rather tell a stranger through a screen. I think that's odd anyway. It's odd because...well...my blog is like my diary. That's not the sort of thing people let people read, but well...here we are.
Writing at night is easier than writing in the day. Under the cover of darkness. Kind of a bit secretive really. Maybe that's saying something about my confidence. I don't know. More people have insecurities than people think, and more people have more insecurities than they know. Maybe we should all help each other with our insecurities. Maybe that's a bit sloshy and cliche, but maybe it's true.
Ironically, it seems like people aren't confident enough to help other people. So maybe we should all work on improving our own issues. The thing about humans though, is that we're not solitary creatures. We work in groups, we're social...well most of us are - the point is, hearing something nice once in a while does wonders to your self-esteem, so dropping compliments here and there would work wonders, no?
For me it was Diagnosis = Confidence drop, and now I'm re-building again. Just kept thinking 'damaged goods' or 'faulty' or something, but at least I know I'm not alone. We can do everything we want to, we just have to be confident enough to try.
AJ
Tuesday 31 January 2012
Monday 16 January 2012
Onwards with optimism!
Two and a half months since my diagnosis and I feel like I'm starting to become more and more like my old self every day. Everything looks a little brighter, and in spite of the harsh winter weather, I rarely feel cold and lifeless anymore. This blog is kind of like a form of therapy for me. I suppose most writing is. This is where I'm completely unedited though, where I have total free reign to make mistakes, where I can make typos and that's how people know I'm a real person.
I genuinely feel blessed at this moment in my life. I have the most amazing people surrounding me, the nicest, kindest people that I could ever ask for. I've said in the past that they make the world a little less dark, but really, they make the world a little brighter. I maintain that the world can be a dark place, a hard place to be, but there are places you can find, people that you can find, things that you can do to keep it a little brighter than you could have thought.
The thing with writing is that inspiration rarely hits me until the wee hours, or at least, very late at night. It's a challenge for me to keep this blog going, but I'm still doing it, because I really want to help other people with it, not just myself. My job at The Student Review keeps me sane sometimes. In spite of the fact that it drives me crazy having to come up with things to write about, I love doing it. It's a challenge. Seeing a pattern? For some crazy reason, and god only knows why, I love doing things that are difficult for me, challenging for me. I suppose it makes me feel a little stronger. It's that sense of achievement.
As well as that, I do work alongside some pretty brilliant people on TSR. I don't think I'll ever regret taking that up. I'm bloody grateful to have been able to be a part of it. I wrote an info/article piece about PCOS for The Student Review, and I feel a little better about myself because I've been able to do that. I know that there are people that have read that, and just knowing that people are a little more informed makes me a little happier.
I suppose everything seems to be travelling a little more smoothly now. Things are settling down, and I'm finding time to do things that I didn't want to do when I was on the bad pills. I love helping people, making people smile, making things a little clearer for them, which is why I have my Advice column (if you have any questions feel free to get in touch). I feel more optimistic now because I am happier. I am steadier, and I have pushed through what I needed to push through. Strangely it was before my diagnosis that I was at my worst. You think you've hit rock bottom, but you have much further to sink. My diagnosis acted as something of a liberation for me. Although I'm still not completely at peace with it, I think that some day, maybe soon, I will be.
AJ
I genuinely feel blessed at this moment in my life. I have the most amazing people surrounding me, the nicest, kindest people that I could ever ask for. I've said in the past that they make the world a little less dark, but really, they make the world a little brighter. I maintain that the world can be a dark place, a hard place to be, but there are places you can find, people that you can find, things that you can do to keep it a little brighter than you could have thought.
The thing with writing is that inspiration rarely hits me until the wee hours, or at least, very late at night. It's a challenge for me to keep this blog going, but I'm still doing it, because I really want to help other people with it, not just myself. My job at The Student Review keeps me sane sometimes. In spite of the fact that it drives me crazy having to come up with things to write about, I love doing it. It's a challenge. Seeing a pattern? For some crazy reason, and god only knows why, I love doing things that are difficult for me, challenging for me. I suppose it makes me feel a little stronger. It's that sense of achievement.
As well as that, I do work alongside some pretty brilliant people on TSR. I don't think I'll ever regret taking that up. I'm bloody grateful to have been able to be a part of it. I wrote an info/article piece about PCOS for The Student Review, and I feel a little better about myself because I've been able to do that. I know that there are people that have read that, and just knowing that people are a little more informed makes me a little happier.
I suppose everything seems to be travelling a little more smoothly now. Things are settling down, and I'm finding time to do things that I didn't want to do when I was on the bad pills. I love helping people, making people smile, making things a little clearer for them, which is why I have my Advice column (if you have any questions feel free to get in touch). I feel more optimistic now because I am happier. I am steadier, and I have pushed through what I needed to push through. Strangely it was before my diagnosis that I was at my worst. You think you've hit rock bottom, but you have much further to sink. My diagnosis acted as something of a liberation for me. Although I'm still not completely at peace with it, I think that some day, maybe soon, I will be.
AJ
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