I'm angry at myself.

I'm finding myself coming back to this blog more and more, wanting to write things that I can't quite form words for, but I can give it a pretty good try most of the time... If there's one thing that I can actually do, it's words.

So I'm feeling pretty low today, and writing something or other usually helps me, so here we go...

I think I'm angry. Not at anyone else, not at anything in particular, it's just one of those days where everything you do makes you a little bit more frustrated until you build up this sort of completely angry, dissatisfied with life mentality. But it's a strange kind of feeling; not the immediate seeing red and wanting to do something irrational that you'd probably regret later, but more of a jaded sort of irritation with yourself.

And that's the distinction - I feel like I'm angry at myself. Which really shouldn't be a thing.

I'm usually quite a calm and cheerful person, and I try to be as much as possible. I try to help people when they need help, I get my stuff done, but now and then I just get this shite feeling at the back of my head which makes it really hard to do simple tasks like focus on what someone's saying. What makes it more annoying is that it's an inward thing. It's aimed at me. And being angry at yourself is just a really weird feeling. It just feels so odd.

So basically, I've felt a bit thrown off the last couple of days. It's been really confusing me, and it can be quite upsetting. But it's okay. It'll be fine eventually. I've had months of this before, and look, I'm alright now. I can do it again.

-AJ